The Sadie Escapists – Part One
Edgar was a thirty year old man with issues.
Of course, his family and friends thought he was perfection. But, recently, he was certain they must be questioning that theory. He hadn’t seen them, but was certain of it.
“Hey, Eddy, get up. I smell some radishes, man. The organic kind. We’re going to eat big today. None of that lame lettuce. We’re kings! “
Edgar turned over in his bed and looked at a big face smushed up against a cage. Its ears flopped down, its nose was moist with hunger.
Edgar knew he was going crazy, because this rabbit yelled at him, yapped at him, and moaned at him.
Quite simply and maddeningly, the rabbit, Jerry, talked to him.
What was worse…
Edgar was now a rabbit.
“Stop calling me Eddy. That’s not my name.”
Jerry rolled his eyes. “It’s a nickname, man. Do you think Jerry is my full name? I mean, who wants to say Jerraldine-Lee.”
“Yeah, well I don’t care for nicknames.”
“Hrm… That’s probably why you’re here. You’re way too uptight.”
“What’s your excuse?”
“I cheated on Her.”
Her. Yes, Her, Edgar thought. The Her was his girlfriend, Sadie Higgins.
In this unending hallucination, Sadie was a witch who had turned him into a rabbit when he refused to elope with her.
“We need to have a proper wedding. That’s what my family would expect.”
“Your family doesn’t like me.”
“No, they don’t.”
“Give me a wedding date then.”
“I’m not ready!”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
The argument went on until he told her their engagement was off and then, poof, he was a rabbit.
“Listen, man, you’ve got to come to terms with your situation. I did. The sooner, the better. “
The bedroom door swung open. They both looked up from their cages. Sadie walked in with a smirk on her face. The smell of radishes wafted in.
“Who’s ready for rabbit stew?”
They both cringed.
Sadie had already cooked up a past boyfriend for trying to escape. They knew better. Or Jerry did. Edgar was determined to escape so that he could prove to himself that he was delusional.
“Just kidding. I’m cooking up some chicken soup with radishes.”
Jerry perked up, realizing Sadie was holding her hand behind by her back.
“And I brought you both…”
Jerry flopped around in circles. Edgar rolled his eyes as Sadie swung her arm around with a bowl heaping full of…
Jerry’s head sunk. Sadie opened his cage and dumped half of it in his bowl. Then she did the same with Edgar.
“Chin up, boys. At least you’re alive… for now.”
The door closed.
The lettuce was browning around the edges. Old and smelly. Jerry ate it anyway, while Edgar punched the cage, trying to wake himself up with pain.
“If you keep that up, you’ll be stew in no time.”
Edgar looked at his comrade. He began to think Jerry was right.
Beyond the closed door, down the stairs, in the living room, where they couldn’t here, Sadie sat in front of the television, eating a bowl of cereal. The words “Missing: Edgar St. Clair” rotated across the screen. She shook her head, laughed, then went back to solving a Sudoko puzzle.
A third rabbit sat in a cage beside her. Henry Louis, the supposed rabbit stew.
He ate the same mundane lettuce from the same mundane bowl.