It’s hard to be cool. Skinny jeans make you cool, but they make my thighs sweaty. My mother says wearing them puts my ability to have children at risk when I grow up. I guess I should have a kid now before it’s too late.
My skinny jeans are pretty cool though. They’re so cool I get to sit at the cool table at lunch. We were sitting there talking about girls. Jack said he lost his virginity. He’s 14. I wanted to be cooler than him, so I told him I lost mine when I was 7. Jack says I got raped. I don’t get to sit at the cool table anymore though.
I played Bloody Mary at my friend’s house when I slept over. I said it three times in the mirror while the lights were out and nothing happened, so I laughed about it and we played more video games. I woke up at 3AM to go to the bathroom. The toilet got clogged because I ate too much pizza. I was trying to use the plunger to unclog it when the door creaked open and some dark figure started shuffling around. I got all panicky and swung at it with the dirty, wet plunger. Turns out it was Jack’s mom. I’m not welcome there anymore.
Illustration by: Cait Maloney